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The · Real · Me
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So sometimes I feel like everyone of you is fake. I hate being where i am at, and I hate you for being there too. BUt maybe when this shit goes down the drain
even farther you will look and see that you messed up for being so
stupid as to see that we can do better. But I dont' even care, I'll do
the bare minimum
I have to do and that is it. So we'll see how everyone looks at things
once there is noone there to look at. We only get one or two
shots at making an impact on people so lets be fake and hope that they don't see through us, instead of being real. Thank you for making us like everyone else and allowing us to "conform" to how you want us to act. That is what we are about isn't it. About all being the same and being fake, until they get in and realize that's not how we are at all. Cool...real cool..
Current Mood: |
irate | |
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I am looking for someone, who can take as much as I give, give back as much as I need, and still have the will to live. I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am only human
When you leave, remember the place where you have left me. If you go back and I'm not there, it doesn't mean I don't still care about you anymore, I just I care for you so much that I've left to search for you
"Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine..."
"I've always wondered if my life would have been better if I hadn’t met you, but then I think of what my life would have been like if I hadn’t."
"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."
"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about!"
"Never let someone go if you want to find out if what you have is really love, because they may think that you want to move on to something better and they wont try to come back."
"If for some reason I started to miss you, would I be wrong in saying so and actually trying to do something about it?"
"If you think you found the right person... stop the search and never let them go. Rememeber that the world is a huge place, for when you lose someone, you have to search the world all over again."
"Wait for the guy that pursues you, the one that makes every day seem magical, the guy that makes you feel so amazing about yourself and can make you smile every minute you are with him. Wait for the guy who shows you off to his friends when you are in sweats, but appreciates when you get all dolled up for him. Wait for the guy who puts you at the center of his universe, because obviously he will be at the center of yours."
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| SHAUNNAHOLLOWAY |
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Sensual |
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Hip |
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Active |
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Unreal |
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Neat |
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Hot |
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Outrageous |
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Luscious |
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Likeable |
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Openhearted |
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Wacky |
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Alluring |
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Yummy |
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chipper | |
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The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Current Mood: |
chipper | |
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So yesterday was the most
random day i've had in a while! Me steph and amy decide to go to
lansing shopping. Well after spending about 45 minutes in the mall we
decide to try and get lost in lansing! This turns out to be harder than
expected. So in order to get lost we take the "special penny" and
decide that we turn right when the penny lands on heads and left when
it lands on tails. So we do this for a while and end up always finding
our way back to the highway... so needless to say we didn't get lost.
So we are driving and we find "the village" *where i live* only in
lansing and we decided to try and use my pass key to get in and well it
doesn't work so we laugh and try to speed away quickly and that just
doesn't seem to work. So we end up in the country and still not lost
because we still end up at the highway. So we drive and see the capital
building and decide to be tourists for a while. We park in front of
Cooley Law school right by the capital building and steph changes on
the side of the road cuz it was cold. So we walk around looking for a
bar so we could have a beer. So we find one drink our beer and decide
its probably time to go since we've been gone for 5 hours. As we are
leaving we run into Kendy leaving work and talk with her for a few and
then we ask her how to get back to the highway. So she gives us
directions and what happens? WE GET LOST!! haha unbelievable. We can't
get lost when we try but when we don't want to we get lost. So we take
her directions and end up in the ghetto. Seriously scary. So after
trying to find our way out of this death trap we end up where we left
off when trying to get lost. So we did a big loop around where we
needed to be. But we see gas for 1.97 and we stop (in the ghetto) and
get gas cuz well it was cheap. So then we go home. All the while being
mean while driving through the construction where the speed limit was
45 and we went 40 to see how much traffic we could get behind us :) it
was funny! I had a blast yesterday and well we are going to rpeat the
day when its warm enough to walk around and be tourists again! But here
are some random quotes of the day!
- <>Steph don't honk you dont' know where we are</>
- Holly pajamas look at the traffic
- you pirate whore...arrgg...
- Holly pajamas we are totally in the ghetto
- he's got a "glock" in his back pocket
- Me: beef hamburgers as opposed to what.. Steph: Cow. (haha )
- Some Guy in the mall: Have you heard about our new picture deal? Me: No thanks im allergic to pictures!!
- Lets try and get lost. Heads is right and tails is left.
- Didn't we pass that sign like 2 hours ago?
- Deaf child area, dont try to honk they can't hear you anyway!
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amused | |
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Well it is may 9th and im home for the summer. well that was the original plan until stupid oasis didn't let me and christy sign up for our clinic so now we have to take it summer II. But its okay at least I won't have anything else to do cuz i don't think im going to be working! So im only home until like the middle of june then its back to good old mt. pleasant to start my summer class and then my final year as an undergrad! But the only thing that sucks is that im prolly not gonna be workin at samsonite anymore :) oh okay so that really doesnt' suck but the lack of a steady income does suck! But im gonna try to find some random job to support my shopping problem! So im back in clio so i expect to be hanging out with everyone i dont' normally see when im home!! So yeah for summer...! |
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So maybe life isn't really that
scary. I mean I've been on my own for four years now, but
everyday my future seems to get closer and I am starting to feel like I
am really not prepared. I used to sit in high school dreaming of
the day that I could go to college and just get away from my family and
make new friends. I used to think that I could go away and just
be someone different because none of the people that I was going to
meet would know who I "was" in high school. But somehow I feel
like I have not really changed "who" I am but just who I maybe pretend
to be. Im not really that secure with who I am and I don't really
like who I am right now. But everyday I wake up and I pretend to
be happy with who I am and where I am at in life. But I always
wake up with this empty feeling. This life that I have built for
myself is not fulfilling the void that I fill and i dont know how to
change that. I thought that maybe joining a sorority would help
fill that part of my life but its not. It just really makes me
feel even more empty. I love all of my sisters but I am not
getting what I need to get from them. Everything in life right
now just seems so..so.. fake. Maybe its just a feeling that I get
but it feels like I am not living life, but more so just going through
the motions. i am not really living right now, it just feels
really like I am just in a daze everyday like its a dream. A bad
dream that maybe i'll wake up from someday. Shit i just want to wake up
and be happy with everything. To be able to wake up one day and
feel that life is not pulling a fast one on me and that maybe all of
these "memories" that I have are just dreams. I want to start
over and live life. Not just be in it. People always say
that you can create your own future but right now I feel like the
future is already set and that I will just have to deal with what life
gives me. But damn it why can't i shake this feeling that I
have. Maybe its becasue i have been in college for four years and
what I have I really accomplished? What I have I done to help
others? All I have done is waste time in classes and waste time
working and waste time pretending that this thing that I call my life
has not been wasted. I want to start over, fresh, start life over
and try to change the things that I have done. Change the fact
that I am not feeling like a failure at all of the things that I
do. I bust my ass to try and help others but it just seems to go
unnoticed, and I do them without asking for help and maybe thats what
pisses me off the most. is that I VOLUNTEER to do things and do
them knowing that there is no recognition for these things. If
the body is just a carrier for the soul, then why does my body feel so
empty. That's scary. Does that mean that I have somehow on
this journey through life I have lost my spirit? Or did I ever
really have one. Why am I so synical right now, and why does life
always have to be about me. Why can't it be about others.
But I want my life to be about me. Does that make me selfish?
Does that make me a bad person? If it doesn't then why and the
hell do I feel like one. None of this makes sense. Nothing
in this life makes sense to me. In a year I will be off to
another "chapter" of my life and this scares me to death. This
scares me because I don't know what to do with another chapter of
unfulfilled dreams and expectations. I feel like life is moving
so fast yet I am being left behind. The reality that I am not
where I want to be or where i need to be hits me like a brick
wall. And its hurts. Its scary to know that 3 of my best
friends have already settled their future. They are getting
married, having children and getting real jobs. i feel left
behind by my friends and that's scary. I don't want to be the one
who always is on the run always searching for something better. I
want to be the one with security in their life. To be safe.
But I don't want a safe life. I want adventure and
excitement. Its such a lose lose situation. Because I want
security but I want to be spontaneous. I can't have both.
Why? Why can't we have our cake and eat it too? Damn
it. Why am I so weird today. I guess that maybe when you
sit and ponder on your life for so long that eventually you will get
that empty feeling, that feeling that maybe you left something behind
that you were supposed to take with you. That feeling that you
have not done the things that you expected to do and youw on't be able
to go back and do them. Why can't I just live and let live, and
be happy with who I am and where I am at in life. Why am I so
unhappy with this life. Its noone elses fault where i am at
today. I have built my life as I have wanted to. I mean my
life isnt' that bad. i have a wonderful family, friends and
wonderful sisters. I have an amazing boyfriend who has stood by me for
4 years and has never questioned who i am. But that doesnt mean
that I dont question myself. As a human race we are never happy
with what we have, and we always want more. We question who we
are and what life has to offer us, instead of what we have to offer life. I guess that just shows that I am only human.
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depressed | |
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oh and one more thing... shut your damn kid up this is a library and not a daycare....because seriously if i wasn't here just screwing around on the computer i would come over there and ask you to please quiet your child... okay so maybe i wouldn't but im working on getting up to that amount of courage... because its just common courtesy to not have a screaming child in a library... SSSSSHHHHH THE LIBRARY IS FOR QUIET TIME!
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aggravated | |
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okay so i seriosly have a new pet peeve and its really starting to annoy me. so here it goes... I absolutely hate... i mean hate with rage and all that shit that goes along with it... when someone is superficial about EVERYTHING. It just sort of makes people sound dumb about life when they judge things simply on outward appearances. and it just seems that when someone is like that they seem to have a negative attitude to go along with it. MAybe its just me that seems to absolutely hate this but if there is anyone else out there who does please let me know cuz right now i feel really bad about hating this "personality trait" i guess you could call it. But seriously is it that hard to think that maybe there is more to a person than what they wear, or how they do their hair or all together how they look. Some people just dont' really give a shit if they go to class in the pj's or if they go to the movies with their hair in one big ass ponytail right on the side of their damn head. its not always what or how this person really is. I mean what if i weighed 500 lbs and smelled like shit all the time but still had the same personality... would that change who i was? Not really in my opinion but im afraid that some people seriously still would not be able to look past that and it SERIOUSLY PISSES ME OFF
okay now that im done with that im all sunshine and freaking flowers....okay so maybe all my aggression isn't completely out but in case you didn't get the memo or your just dumb and didn't catch on... DON'T BE SUPERFICIAL AND DON'T BE NEGATIVE ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE YOU'LL JUST END UP ALONE AND PISSED FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAMN LIFE...
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pissed off | |
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So I offically just had the worst
day of my life :( I found out today that my grandma has cancer and
quite honestly I am scared to death. I was having a nice walk
through the park just enjoying the day, and called my mom to see how my
gram's doctors appointment went and she said "not good"and I asked her
what they said and she then told me that my gram has throat
cancer. I immediatly started crying and the thought that I might
lose my grandma started running through my head. She will have to
undergo radiation once a day for 6-8 weeks... and well I don't think I
can write anymore about this right now... but please keep her in your
prayers, our family needs it right now :(
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sad | |
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So here's what you do: Pick one word from each pair that you think best describes me!
* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* teddy bear or porcelain doll
* hiking or window shopping
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* bare foot or shoes
* jeans or slacks
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or geek
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curious | |
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Well had a busy
week last week, with greek week and all. Not to mention all of the shit
that I was supposed to have done for school. Key word: supposed to :(
But oh well. This week is my week to just lay back and have a great
time. Well except for the exam I have on thursday. But I will
study for that someother time :) Well actually I'll study for it
on wednesday. But as for Tuesday. Yeah... you know me, I
love to go out.... okay well maybe not to the bar... but tuesday is a
different story. I am going to go out and have one hell of a
time! I just need to let off some stress!
Well anywho... Friday was mock rock, and as much as everyone says that
we didnt' look bad, I think we could have used a lot more
practice. But oh well.. I had fun so I don't really care.
Greek week is just a pain in the ass anyway, to much stress and
competition. Then saturday I went to mikes :) His sister
got married. I went with andrew and rita and had a blast!
**Mike was in the wedding so he was doing stuff a lot of the night **
but i had a great time! WE danced, even though there was no
cage! and laughed and met a lot of mikes family that I hadn't met
before. Which is kind of odd since we have been together for so
long. But it was a blast! I stayed @ his house on saturday
and we went to bed at about 3. He then decided to wake me
up at 9am because he was up, so i was awake and all of a sudden he
wanted to go back to sleep. Well I told him I was just going to
get going and so we finally got up and went and ate breakfast. I
left at about 11:30, got stuck in traffic and it took me over an hour
to go 32 miles... damn traffic!
Went to Sam's with my mommy and got some food, so I can now cook some
stuff! mm... pizza rolls! My favorite! Then drove back up
to Mt. P.
WE had elections on sunday and it went pretty good except that it last
almost 4 hours. But we got some great girls in some great
positions. **Abbie im way excited for you :) told you
so!!** So I have a great team next semester! And I am sure
i'll be proud of each of them! Abbie=New Member Ed Christy= New
member ed assistant B=alumni relations!
im bored..I want to go rent a movie... hm...
but for now i need to go work on my project since it was due
thursday and we still gotta finish up a bunch of shit. But i'll
let you all know how tuesday works out :) If anyone wants to go just
let me know... everyone is welcome... well if your 21 you are! If not
better luck next time!
MUAH!
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determined | |
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Dance Marathon....the longest time anyone should ever have to dance! But at least its for a good cause!
Greek Week has offically begun!
I will be dancing from 8pm until 8am! This is going to be very very interesting!
We are going to kick ass this year :)
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Well today officially kicks off
the longest weekend of my life :) Today I have to work on a project
until 2, a meeting @ 2, then mock rock practice from 5-8 **however I
have to get some homework done so im leavin @ 7 :(** then home to do
homework until who knows when, then im sleeping until initiation @ 12
saturday. Then going back home to sleep because I am doing dance
marathon :) So i'll be dancing *along with 11 of my sisters* from
7pm-8am. yes that's right 12 hours (daylight savings
time!!) It is going to be fun, but exhausting. Then sunday
im sleeping until the parade and yell like hell. Then back to
sleep before mock rock practice. Then the real craziness begins
next week with all of the greek week activities and all of the school
work i have to do. But this year we are going to step it up and
show everyone what we are made of. Hopefully people finally give
us the respect that we deserve. MMUUAAHH...to all of my sisters!
You are all amazing!
Oh yeah and i definitely went to the Wayside looking like a jack ass last night but it was so much fun!
Current Mood: |
exhausted | |
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So
I got my grade for my BCA test I took yesterday and well lets just say
it was not the greatest. I thought I did better than a 75% but
evidentally not :( Guess I will just have to pay better attention
in class and study harder for the final exam. I just need to
bring my grade up to a B and I will be happy enough with that.
But as of right now that is not looking to promising. Other than
that things are wonderful!
Mock rock practice went great and I am so pumped up for the rest of
practices and the rest of what greek week has in store for us.
And I'm sure our partners will do a kick ass job too! With so
many different opinions and ideas it is hard to get along but we did it
and of course we will do our best and hopefully come out strong this
year!
The weather was great today and I went for a little walk in the park
and did a lot of thinking. Ya know even though I'm scared of alot
of things when you put things into perspective its not so scary
:) Even though there is a lot going on in my mind that I can't
really share with anyone else I think that it will all work out in the
end even if its not the way I might predict things right now.
This week and next week are going to be so crazy. So friday is
strictly devoted to doing homework and getting ahead in all of my
classes so that I don't have stress out next week and end up letting my
grades slip. Right now I have all A's **Well other than the
godforsaken BCA class** Ken with his big glasses and weird
clothes and foamy mouth really needs to just curve his damn class so
that not everyone fails** but oh well..some teachers just suck!
But anyway... enough of that. I am going to go get changed for
the risk management workshop and for practice. Hopefully I get to
get in bed earlier than I did last night. But at least I don't
have my 331 class in the morning so that's something to look forward
to!
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optimistic | |
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30 Things That Make Me Unbelievable Happy
- Going for a walk!
- People who make me smile for no reason
- Spending time with my friends
- Vegas!! *only with steph though!!*
- Sunshine on my face
- Writing
- Camping in August with my best friends!
- The smell of spring
- Being in love!!
- Getting to know someone new!
- Sad songs
- Painting
- Laughing
- Kissing
- My family
- Randomly dancing in the car!
- Snuggling in my big cozy bed..
- Watching movies
- Hanging out with my mommy!
- Dancing when there is no music!
- The feeling that theres butterflies in your stomach!
- Being myself, no matter who Im around
- Just driving around when its nice outside
- Hugs!
- Surfing with Keri, Dawn and Steph in Keri's pool!
- Girls Night!
- Feeling nervous around someone and your not quite sure why
- Searching for my "Walrus"
- My Sisters!
- When someone says they are thinking of me!
Current Mood: |
amused | |
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I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
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blah | |
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Life
is good! That's all I can really say right now. I am really happy with
how things are going right now. Its not really anything special that's
happening, I guess its just that I have great friends, a wondeful
family and an amazing boyfriend :) Even though I haven't seen him in a
month :( I really do miss him! I had a blast on St. Patrick's
day...except for a few moments of insanity...but oh well... other than
that it was fun. So we had courting tonight and it was a blast! We went
around and sang to all of the frat houses! We changed the words to 1,2
Step...it was hillarious!! Tomorrow they come and sing to us and then
we find out who our partners for Greek Week are... its only 12 days
until it starts and im soooo pumped! Last year was a lot of fun and im
sure this year will be even better.
My moms birthday is saturday and mike is coming up :)
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, anyway... Im kinda bored right now...but I should probably clean up
my kitchen since i baked 150 cookies today for courting...and then
decorated them! I will be perfectly content if I never have to
bake another cookie in my life. So I guess i'll go do
something... buh bye
Current Mood: |
happy | |
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the
strength to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the
difference
"Before you criticise someone you should walk a mile in their shoes ...
that way when you criticise them you are a mile away and you have their
shoes!"
Life is nothing more than a test, the hardest test that anyone can ever
take. There is no studying or knowing the next question. Each question
gets harder, but we must pass, we must push to the limit, if even
sometimes on faith alone."
"You have been summoned to court for trespassing my dreams, stealing my
heart and robbing my feelings. If guilty: you are sentenced to be with
me forever. How do you plead?"
"We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors, and
yet ... they all exist very nicely in the same box."
"If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!"
"If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet.
And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies and souls. Then
every word and every touch will fuel our passion flame. I will be
yours, you will be mine, and we will be one."
"It's a long road when you face the world alone, when no one reaches
out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within your
soul, and the emptiness you felt will disappear."
"Why say the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?"
"The path of a relationship with true love is like a trip together down
an old dirt path in the woods - sometimes it'll be beautiful and easy,
other times it will be a rough walk with its ups and downs, turns and
twists. But when you think you're out of the woods and you look back,
you are glad the journey took place, and in all, you are glad you and
your special someone took it together. But the journey is not over, you
have only just begun. So, don't loose faith; keep on walking. If your
love is true, the path you two take will never end."
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Oh
My god, Las Vegas was so amazing. It was the best four days of my
life and I really didnt' want to leave the town or the people we met
there. Of course me and stephanie being the crazy people that we
are made 7 great friends plus about a thousand others that well we just
talked to because we could. We flew in on monday and it was a
really long flight (about 6 hours total flying time) and we of course
we drank on the plane and made friends!! We'll then we went and
got out luggage and took a shuttle to our hotel. It was amazing
to just see everything, and we made friends there too! We checked
into our hotel and looked out of our room on our balcony and had the
most amazing view. We could stand on our balcony and see
Bellagio, Ceasars Palace, Flamingo, Mirage, Harrahs, Rio, The Forum
Shops and so much more. The weather was great at about 10pm I
would say it was about 65. We went out and explored the first
night it was pretty cool cuz me and steph danced under the Eifel Tower
to the music of the Bellagio Water Show :) Of course we didn't
know the song nor was our dancing that great but we still had
fun. We went to bed about about 2 Vegas time which was about 5
our time. So we were pretty tired. Tuesday we woke up and
realized that there were mountains. We started drinking at 9am *Free
drinks* of course!!! And we walked around all day and then bough
tickets to chippendales. We went to the Wax museum with a little
buzz from all of the alcohol we had consumd in the few hours we had
been awake. My dreams came true when I got married to George
Clooney in a wedding dress and everyting :) I love him! We
went home an got ready went to a fancy restaraunt and ordered chicken
finger s:) hehe so we may have been crazy but not crazy enough to
try new food !!! Chippendales was unbelievable, and not to forget
that the guys were almost naked so it was amazing. WE then
proceeded to walk the strip where we met 5 guys from Penn State.
We hung out with them all night on tuesday and we ended up walking all
of the city. Taking pictures in weird places with weird
people! Wednesday we of course started drinking early and started
our long walk to the Stratosphere. We only made it about as far
as the Stardust because some people told us that two girls should not
venture out that far at night, plus our waitress @ stardust told us the
same thing. So we ate our $5 prime rib which was soooo goood and
then walked back to our hotel where we met 2 guys from north carolina
and we ended us sitting with them @ the Roulette table and winning then
$600, so while we were really excited we met 4 more guys from new york,
2 of them were actually from vegas I think. One of them was about
to turn 21 so we all decided to go hit up some bars. So we got
changed and went to Ceasars to the Shadow bar, then seen a fight in the
middle of Ceasars Palace. We hung out with our New york friends
and our Penn State friends and then I went home and slept for about an
hour and then got packed and we explored all day on Thursday.
Went to Coyote Ugly and got wasted off of hurricanes with extra
shots!!! Then we had to leave :( Our plane left at 1055pm
Vegas time so almost 2am our time. We almost missed our flight
because me ands teph both passed out on the chairs in the
airport. We landed in Indianapolis @ 530 our time and got home at
9am our time. So I hadn't slept more than about 3 hours in two
days. So much I left out but If I told about everything then this
LJ entry wouldnever end. But lets just say that it was amazing
and We are going back in June. I hope that everyone that we met and
sang to randomly had fun too!!! But I love vegas even though I
didn't sleep for over 48 hours . And have been
sleeping since I got home. It was amazing and the best spring
break I have ever had.
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